It can be hard to know how to help the people we care about when they go through some of life's tougher times, such as losing a loved one. Sending sympathy cards is a heartfelt and meaningful way to let someone know that they are not alone in their grief, giving them a tangible sign of support.
Knowing what to write in a sympathy card can be a difficult task, so we have created this guide to help you find the right sympathy card message that shares your condolences. Remember to use this guide as inspiration for finding the right words, as the most impactful sympathy card message is one written with sincerity, from the heart.
Things to Consider when Writing Sympathy Card Messages
Sending a card to someone grieving is a lovely, thoughtful gesture that aims to remind the recipient that they are loved, to validate their emotions, and to provide them with support. Remember that the act of sending the card is not going to heal the hurt, but is a tangible way to let someone know they have a network of support available.
The following structure can be a helpful way to organise your message:
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Start with a greeting
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Express condolences
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Share a fond thought of the loved one
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Offer specific support if possible
Here are some examples of what to say in a sympathy card.
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Dear [name], I'm so sorry to hear of [name's] passing. My heart goes out to you and the family. [Name] was a wonderful person and will be missed by many. I'm here with a hug for you whenever you need it.
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To [name], I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, [name] led an incredible life and had an impact on so many. I'll give you a call in the coming days for anything you need.
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Dear [name], My deepest sympathies for your loss. Although I didn't know [name] well, [pronoun] always had a smile/ joke/ hug/ hi five for me. We're all here for you.
The content of sympathy card messages will depend on your relationship to the loved one, to the card's recipient, as well as the relationship of the recipient to the one who passed. This is where it helps to lean on your own experiences with the people involved, to find a message full of authenticity.
What to Write in a Sympathy Card for Loss of a Coworker
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I was saddened to hear of [name's] passing. Their presence always brought so much joy into the office, and they will be missed.
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My thoughts are with you as you deal with these difficult times. May you find comfort in the memories of beautiful times shared with [name].
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[name] was such a kind/ funny/ generous soul. Sending you strength.
What to Write in a Sympathy Card for Loss of a Friend
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My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry you're going through this and I am here to help you however you need.
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Please accept my heartfelt condolences at the loss of [name]. I remember when I met [name] just how beautiful/ funny/ welcoming [pronoun] was, and I am so lucky to spend time with [pronoun]. I'll call you on Sunday to see what you need.
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This sucks. I don't know what to say, there's no words. [name] was a bright light in our lives, and I am going to miss [pronoun] so much. I'm coming in for a big hug with you very soon.
What to Write in a Sympathy Card for Loss of a Parent
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Your mum/dad was always so kind to me, and I can't imagine what you're going through. Please don't hesitate to reach out at any time.
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Dear [name], During this time of incalculable loss, please accept my deepest condolences at the loss of your mother/father. [pronoun] was a beautiful soul, and the impact on this world will continue to be felt.
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There are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss. [Name] was loved by so many, and created countless beautiful experiences that will be forever treasured. Please accept my condolences during this time.
Sympathy Cards for Loss of a Pet
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My heart is with you in this painful time. [Name] was such a character, always so full of energy and bringing joy. [Pronoun] made the world a better place, and will be deeply missed.
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The loss of [name] is a terrible tragedy, I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. Please remember you're not alone, I'm here for you in this difficult time with hugs, love and anything you need.
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[Name] will be sorely missed - there are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss.
What to Write in a Sympathy Card for Loss of Husband, Wife, or Partner
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I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling. [Name] was a wonderful person, and every moment I shared with [pronoun] brought so much light and joy into all of our lives. I'm here for you.
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There's no way to express how sorry I am to hear of [Name's] passing. I loved [pronoun] so much, and I know I'm not the only one - [name] was an unspeakable amazing person and their memory will stay with us forever.
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My deepest condolences at your loss. You two were so perfect together, always making each other laugh and showing us what true love looks like. We are all here for you, never forget you are surrounded by love.
Sympathy Card Message Mistakes
If you're writing from the heart, then most things to say in a sympathy card will be well received. However, there are a few things to avoid that could make a sympathy card message harder to read in a sensitive time.
In wanting our friends and family members to feel better in difficult times, it can be tempting to offer advice, however unsolicited suggestions are unlikely to be welcomed. Sharing in grief is beautiful, however remember the purpose of the card is to support the card's recipient, not burden them with your pain. Now is not the time to remind someone how you suffered a similar loss in your family.
It's also recommended to avoid statements like "i know how you must feel", because it's unlikely that you do - a person grieving may not understand themselves, and feel it could be impossible for others to understand, either.
Platitudes like 'everything happens for a reason' and 'this too shall pass' or 'at least [name] didn't suffer' are also good to avoid, as they are dismissive of the valid emotions of a person grieving.
Things to avoid:
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Resist offering advice
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Don't make it about you
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Don't assume you understand how they feel
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Platitudes
Sometimes Less is More
Keeping your note short is a perfectly fine option, especially if you're worried about saying something wrong in your sympathy card message, or didn't know the recipient or loved one well enough to make personal messages.
Short Sympathy Card Messages:
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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My deepest sympathies for the loss of [name].
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My heart is with you in this time
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Wishing you and your family comfort
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I don't know what to say, but I'm here for you
A shorter message will still express your sympathies and offer support while allowing the recipient the breathing room and not giving them too much to read, or initiating them to respond. We can rely on the design of the card itself to help with expressing the sympathy for the recipient, adding a simple message to a heartfelt design can be enough.
Follow Up on Offers of Support
Sending a handwritten message of sympathy is a beautiful act, and it will help the person grieving know they are not alone. However, it's also helpful to remember to follow up on your written offers of support and ensure that they have hands-on action. A message of 'what can I do for you' can be too much for a person who is grieving, and therefore may not know what they need, or be too proud to ask.
Consider offering specific help such as doing a grocery run, taking care of the kids, assisting in funeral arrangements, providing physical support like taking them for a walk, or taking tasks off their plate like meal prep or household chores. Relieving some of the burdens of everyday life can provide the support and space to help them focus on working through their grief.
The Best Sympathy Card Message Comes From the Heart
There are a lot of things to consider when thinking about what to write in a sympathy card, including your relationship to the recipient, your relationship to the deceased, and what kind of support you can offer.
Keep in mind that your card is not going to fix the hurt; it is a heartfelt way to provide support, and give someone grieving a tangible object they can reflect on when they need it most. So, when considering what to write in a sympathy card it's best not to overthink it - the best messages in sympathy cards are ones that get sent, not sit unwritten. It truly is the thought that counts.